DarkStar Spouts Off

About That Judge Who Gave A "Talking To" To Blacks Only

[UPDATES]

About the judge, Marvin Arrington, who gave a good "talking to" to a group of Blacks in his courtroom...

On Booker Rising, I commented: that it has been done before in the Baltimore area, and that a well known defense attorney had radio ads on local "hip hop" stations lamenting how he is tired of seeing Blacks in the court room. I also mentioned that a well known family run funeral home in the Baltimore area did the same thing. I asked, "What good did it do when the crime rate is still out of control?"

In the Baltimore area, a judge did the same thing. A well known defense attorney did the same thing in radio commercials on hip hop stations in Baltimore. A local funeral home did the same thing in Baltimore. The result?

The same ole same ole.

I understand his frustrations, but just talking won't do it. Only one on one intervention will do it.

This morning on The Tom Joyner Morning Show, the judge was interviewed (audio link here) and he stated that he has a scholarship program for Blacks studying law and that he is in the community working with young Blacks. That makes it a lot different than what Cosby did and, IMO, better. He's actually doing something more than talking.

More later.

Coz And Men United For A Better Philly

This is a better way to "speak out."

Comedian Bill Cosby called on parents and community elders to step up to stop the wave of violence that has rocked the city for more than a year.

Cosby spoke Monday to a West Philadelphia crowd of several hundred after joining an anti-violence group on an hour-long march through the neighborhood.

"You've got to teach your children how to think," Cosby said. "You watch one blow the other one's head off and how can you feel good about yourself? Who are you trying to save? How long are you planning to live while you watch this go on?"

The event was the fourth of seven anti-violence appearances that the Philadelphia native has pledged in cooperation with Men United for a Better Philadelphia, which organized the march.

But for those who like to state, "Enough of the marches!", what say you to this?

I'm trying to find out if he spoke more about mentoring.

Dear Mr. Cosby, XI

Dear Mr. Cosby,
I wrote you a letter about a woman I know named Trina. Here is an update.

The school year is starting. A mutual friend told her when her children have to be in school, what supplies were needed, and other information about the school Trina's children will attend.

The mutual friend's children go to different schools in another school district from Trina.

It appears that Trina's children are not at the stage of development they should be at for their age. They know their names but don't know how to spell their names. They don't know the alphabet. They can't count past 20.

But my friend continues to try to help Trina, even though Trina is more interested in other things.

Do you have any suggestions Mr. Cosby?

Dear Mr. Cosby, X

Dear Mr. Cosby,
    I have a very simple question I would like to ask. While you are on your tour, why are you not also showing groups and/or individuals who are trying to address the problems you are bringing up? Or, are you doing so and the media is not covering it?

When you get the chance, look at the Black Self Help Information website. I would appreciate it as you find out about groups doing things, that you would use the "Contact Us" link to let the web site know.

Thank you.

Dear Mr. Cosby, IX

Dear Mr. Cosby,
    A group of us have been friends for a number of years now. One friend, "Troy," has a quick temper that, occasionally, leads to him getting into a physical confrontation.

    We have tried to get him to use techniques to calm himself down before things escalate. We have tried to get him to "just walk away." We have told him to take advantage of the Employee Assistance Program at his job to help him out. His temper, naturally, has been shown at work and has prevented him from getting promoted.

    The other day, someone said something they really had no business saying to another close friend of ours. Troy spoke up. The other person cursed Troy and a fight ensued. Troy got beat down.

    That's all Mr. Cosby.

Why "Dear Mr. Cosby"?

The "Mr. Cosby" category isn't about showing off or patting myself on the back, it's more about the everyday things that people do to address issues on the personal level.

The stories presented about individuals encouraging other individuals to do better instead. It's not about individuals of just yelling at those who are not making the correct decisions to "STOP DOING THAT!"

The stories presented are also about the frustations that comes about when people, being the individuals that they are, keep doing the behaviors you are coaxing them to modify.

These stories are real. Only the names have been changed to protect the people who are making poor decisions.

Dear Mr. Cosby, VIII

Mr. Cosby,
    One day I was on the Metro on my way home. I stayed at work late that day to try to meet a deadline. At one of the stops, a woman got on with a child. The child was acting like a child, meaning the child was playing around.

    Obviously, the mother had a long day and she was trying to get the child to stand still. She snapped and started cursing at the child to get him to behave. After a long period of curse words, I looked at the child and saw the hurt in his eyes.

    She started cursing him again and I heard myself saying, "Lady. PLEAAASSSSSSSSE stop cursing that child!!!!!!"

    She looked at me and told me, "Mind your own business!"

    She left the train at the next stop. To this day I wonder if the child received a beating because I stepped in. By the way, after she left, some people thanked me for standing up for the child.

   This reminds me of Trina. She used to curse her kids in front of myself and some of her other friends but we got on her so bad that she doesn't curse her kids in front of us. However, her mother says she still curses at her kids at other times, even though her mother has pleaded with her to treat her children differently.

    Mr. Cosby, again I ask, how should this be handled? Trina is content to handle things as she pleases, even though it's not the correct way to handle things.

Dear Mr. Cosby, VII

Dear Mr. Cosby,
    I didn't attend your recent talk in Washington, D.C. at the University of the District of Columbia. I didn't attend because I think I don't need to hear what you are speaking about. As far as I'm concerned, you would be "speaking to the choir."

    I understand that question was raised to you at that meeting. You responded by saying that the preacher still continues to preach to the choir. As I understand it, you were saying that you may recognize that the people needing to hear what you are saying are not at your talks, but you keep on talking anyway. I would like to take your analogy a bit further if I may.

    At my church, members of the congregation started saying that the pastors' messages were good, but we, the church, needed to go to where the souls that needed healing were at. Now, that is exactly what is happening.

    This comes to my point. Why are you not highlighting people and groups who are addressing the problems that you are pointing out?

Mr. Cosby, VI

Dear Mr. Cosby,
    I have a simple question for you. How do you get parents who currently don't care to monitor the progress of their children's education, to do so?

    For some people, it appears the only time the parents go to school to see about their children is when the school kicks the children out of school.

    Mr. Cosby, that's my simple question. How do we get parents to care?

Dear Mr. Cosby, V

Dr. Mr. Cosby,
   There is a woman I know named "Trina." Trina got involved with a man, "Coby," who was, and still is, no good.

   When Trina and Coby first became a couple, her friends, including male friends, told her Coby was not right for her or any woman, and that she should move on. Later, ONE of Coby's children's mother came to Trina and said she realized her time with Coby is over. She didn't care. All she cared about was Coby spending time with their child AND paying child support. She told Trina that since Coby isn't taking care of their child, why would he take care of their children, if they had any. This is the same question I asked Trina.

   Trina ignored the advice and had children by Coby. Coby disappeared from Trina and their children's lives. I'll mention now that Trina gets his other children so that her children will know and love their step-siblings.

   Despite the encouragement and advice of friends and family, Trina doesn't get involved in her children's education. Trina's mother and siblings take up the slack in this area.

   Mr. Cosby, what should the friends and family do?

Dear Mr. Cosby, IV

Dear Mr. Cosby,
    Alphonso loves Jack Daniels and women. It is a combination that has caused, shall we say, interesting situations.

    Alphonso has 2 children by his ex-wife. The older child seems to have taken the most negative aspects of Alphonso's behavior and turned them into life lessons on how not to behave and not what to do. The younger child, daddy's girl, has suffered the most from Aphonso's irresponsible behavior. (She has also suffered from her mother's irresponsible behavior, but that's another letter).

   When Alphonso and his wife were together, the younger child was daddy's girl. Even though Alphonso cheated on his wife, stayed out at night, and drank too much, the younger child was still daddy's girl. When Alphonso and his wife split, drinking and women comprised more of Alphonso's time.

    While we tried to get Alphonso to calm down, the younger child seemed to take things in stride until she became a teenager. One day I saw her and her mother after I had not seem them for awhile. I said to her mother that the girl was cute just like her, and just like her, she has a phat butt.

    Her mother's response was to agree and then chime in that the daughter is now smelling herself. I talked to the daughter for a bit and realized right away that she was headed for dangerous waters.

    I contacted Alphonso and told him in no uncertain terms that he needed to take time with his daughter because she is looking like a woman. I told her to remember when we would talk about how the young girls looked older but something always gave their age away. I told him to remember how some of the other "men" we knew didn't care about age. If the girl was willing, they would "hit it." I told him that those same men are going to see his daughter, with her phat butt, and take advantage of the situation.

    He got mad at me for mentioning her attributes, but I told him I didn't care if he stayed mad at me or not, as long as he took time for his daughter because, as I knew and pointed out to him, she, like my daughter, really needs him now.

    Unfortunately, he didn't listen. His daughter, a very smart girl who always did well in school, started skipping class, acting out, and disrespecting adults. (Why should she respect adults when her father was a drunk and her mother was out there as well?)

    Family members stepped in to help her out but it didn't seem to matter. Another friend of ours asked her mother to give him guardianship so he could move her out of the city and into a more rural area. The mother signed the papers. Alphonso said he would sign and then changed his mind and refused. He took his daughter.

    However, Alphonso didn't change his ways even with his daughter living with him.

    Then, as a few of us predicted, that older "man" who didn't care about age, entered the daughter's life.

    When a few of us found out, "the uncles" decided to this "man" to let him know that "our niece" was under age. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending upon how you look at it, Alphonso called us and told us to forget the visit because statutory rape charges were filed.

    She is still a work in progress but she may be coming around. Please pray for her because she is a good kid and has great potential.

    Mr. Cosby, as I wrote before, he wasn't at your talk when you visited his city. Even if he was at your talk, why should he listen to you when he won't listen to us.

    What should we do?

Dear Mr. Cosby, III

Dear Mr. Cosby,
    One day I was going to visit my cousin when I saw one of my cousin's and some other people boarding up a house that was used as a shooting gallery. I decided to join in on the effort. While this was going on, a policeman stopped his car and watched us as we went about our business.

    That night, the "inhabitants" of the building tore down the work we did and continued to do their business. Unfortunately, their business included raping women. Some time after that, an older lady who lived in the block was raped by someone who used that house. She was a nice woman, in her 70s. After news got around, a 14 or 15 year old teenage girl also came forward to say she was raped by someone who used that house.

    Prior to this, people in the neighborhood complained to the city and the police about the house but nothing was done. After the rapes, the police cleared the house and sealed it with bricks. It was later torn down. If you wonder why some people don't support the police, maybe this is a reason why.

    That's all Mr. Cosby. I don't have any questions.

Dear Mr. Cosby, II

Dear Mr. Cosby,
    I don't know where to begin this letter other than to say I know a man named Alphonso.

    Alphonso has always been considered a "ladies man." While in college, Alphonso got his girlfriend pregnant. He dropped out of college and obtained a good job. She dropped out of college but also obtained a good job.

    Alphonso and Daphannie married after the child was born. During the engagement period, Alphonso embarked on a "skirt chasing" mission to "get it out of" his system. His "mission" was awe inspiring. He was very "successful" and what was so amazing was his honesty in telling the women, up front, that he was getting married soon and that he was trying to get it "out of his system."

    There should be no surprise, I guess, that he cheated on his wife during their marriage. It may not also be a surprise that she cheated as well. But her story deserves another letter by itself.

   During their marriage, another child was born. This child has issues today because of the lack of parenting, lack of money management, lack of delay of gratification, on the part of both parents. But the "baby child" story deserves another letter by itself.

    I will mention now that not only does Alphonso love the ladies (and the ladies love Alphonso), but he also loves Jack. No, he's not on the "down low." Alphonso loves Jack Daniels.

    His love of women and Jack have lead to a lot of problems. Of the two, the most damage has come from his love of Jack Daniels. He has lost a job because of this love. He also damaged his long term earning potential because of accidents he has had because he chose to drive while intoxicated. Only God can be thanked for him not killing anyone.

    All along, friends of his, including myself, have tried to get him, and his ex-wife, on a better track. But, his ex-wife, as I wrote previously, is a different letter.

    We have tried to get him to give up alcohol, but since he has never hit true bottom, that has not happened. We have tried to get him to be more responsible with women and relationships, but that has not happened either. The truth of the matter is, there are so many women who find him attractive, love his "masculinity," his gift of gab, and, according to him and some of the women, his bedroom abilities, that there is really no reason for him to change his womanizing ways unless HE really wants to do so. In other words, he has to get tired of doing what he's doing for him to change. At least, that's the conclusion to which I have arrived.

    Alphonso now has another child for which he is claiming responsibility. There are real questions people have concerning his paternity of the child, but that doesn't matter. He says this is his chance to "do right" with this child. However, his behavior hasn't changed so, one would expect results to be the same.

   We have tried intervention methods. We have tried yelling. We have tried long term discussions with him. (This has been on going for about 20 years now). We have tried religion. But, to no avail.

    Mr. Cosby, you have been to the city where Alphonso lives. He didn't attend your talk.

    Mr. Cosby, there is much more to this story, but I'll end it here. Mr. Cosby, what should we do?

Dear Mr. Cosby, I

Dear Mr. Cosby,
    Last night around 11:30 P.M. EDT, the police were called to a neighborhood I was in because kids were outside playing with a basketball and, in general, making a lot of noise. As my wife said at the time, "That's on the parents. If the kids don't know any better, the parents sure should know better!"

    Mr. Cosby, in the racially mixed neighborhood, the kids hanging out were Black and Hispanic. I know that at least 3 head of households have approached the head of households of the children who are disrespectful of the neighbors, in general.

    As you would guess, it isn't just about playing with a basketball at night. The kids leave trash around, make noise, and perform "low level vandalism" of the people who try to correct their behavior.

    Caring neighbors have tried to talk to the head of households of the children to no avail. Of course, since the head of households don't care, the children don't care.

    Caring neighbors have tried to befriend the kids to modify their behavior, but that long ongoing effort is not bearing fruit, because the head of households don't care. One woman, every bit of her 4'11" self, if I remember correctly, actually threatened to body slam one "child" because he "bucked" on her.

    Mr. Cosby, you have been to the city in which this has happened, although you didn't come to the neighborhood. And, even if the head of households did attend your "meeting", obviously it is not having any effect.

    Mr. Cosby, what should be done in this situation?

Dear Mr. Cosby

A category just for you Mr. Cosby.
Stay tuned.