This post is generated from this comment from LaShawn Barber:
For instance, suggestions like, “Get married and build a nest
before you have children” or “Take responsibility for your own lives
and accept the consequences of your actions” or “Take responsibility
for your children’s education” apparently are not detailed enough for
some people.
For me it is not detailed enough for a good reason: people in society are taught socialization and "life skills." For some, these skills are not being taught, or are not being accepted, or are not being applied. From my perspective based on the little I've seen in my 40+ years of life, just saying "Do this!" is not enough. There has to be some teaching along the way.
Since I'm using LaShawn as the reason for this post, I'll phrase it in a manner that, as a Christian, she should find acceptable.
A single man and a single woman enter the church and decide to accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. Their church offers a "Singles Ministry" designed to help and teach singles to navigate the single life as a Christian. Over time, the man and women get to know each other and become a dating couple. As they date, others in the church mentor them about relationships and the Christian life.
The man and the woman get married, proclaiming to the world their love for each other and their love for the Lord, promising to put God first and their spouses second, and forsaking all others, for better or for worse.
During their marriage, they attend financial workshops offered by the church to help them to be proper stewards of their money. They also attend "Couples Ministry" which is designed to help married couples navigate the peaks and valleys, in a Christian manner, that happen in marriage.
Later, they have children, and although they teach their children in the way they are to go, they put their children in "Children's Church" to learn the gospel and later "Youth Ministry". Youth Ministry is designed to help kids and young adults navigate their lives with all of the stresses that accompany being young, while maintaining a Christian life. Later, the children join a Singles Ministry.
The married couple, having gone through life in a Bible based church have a lot to offer to others. So, now they may be helping lead Children's Church or the Youth Ministry or the Singles Ministry or the Couples Ministry. They are now in a position to help teach those coming behind them. For me, the key is teach. Or, as I prefer to call it, mentor.
There are parents, single and married, who are teaching their children how to be good citizens and good people and how to take care of themselves. There are parents, single and married, who are not properly teaching their children how to be good citizens and good people and how to take care of themselves. In fact, those parents may actually be overtly teaching them to be non-productive.
For those children and people who have not been taught properly or just do not know because what they do know is incorrect, some call this the generational curse, they have to be taught the proper way.
It's necessary to point out problems, but it is also necessary to point out solutions. Those solutions should be must be based in reality. Yes, people should graduate high school, get a job, and get married before having children. But do we, as a society, stand to gain by just saying that and ignoring those who don't do that? As a society, do we gain by "waiting around" for the children to get older, to become criminals, and then lock them up?
Yes. Tell children and childless young people their chance for success increases by doing things the proper way. But the people who are single parents, or who are married, who are handling money in crisis management style instead of a wealth building style, who are abusing their children because that is how they were treated, who don't have the proper work ethic, MUST be taught and counseled on the proper way to do things.
It is my STRONGLY HELD opinion that commentators who just point out the problems but don't point out how to change lives around, are part of the problem and they actually do more harm then good. They should be pointing out the groups and individuals who are trying to turn things around. They should be pointing out groups listed at Black Self Help Information (and dropping email to list more groups there) or Black Male Appreciation.
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